User:Yrbyott

I'm (1999-Present) a high school senior who is part of the running start program at Everett Community College. I have a twin brother and a younger sister. I was born in Lincoln, Nebraska; my family and I moved to Mukilteo a few years after my brother and I were born. Although I used to play several instruments, including the flute, clarinet, and piano, I have transitioned to a more active lifestyle. I now enjoy lifting weights and playing tennis in my spare time. I love to travel and take photos everywhere I go. I plan to move to Seattle where I will study nursing at a university.

Article Critique

I visited the Persian Empire page on Wikipedia, and found three aspects of it worth commenting on: its use of informal language, lack of citations, and lack of detail.

Informal Language

The page uses informal language at two points in the article. When discussing the ancient name of Persia, there is use of the acronym "A.K.A." in both the first and last paragraphs. Rather than using this form of language, it would be more proficient to write out the words "also known as" to give a more sophisticated tone to the page.

Citations

Throughout the article, there is only one citation used to verify the information. After the first paragraph, there are no further citations included. The sentence regarding the Shiite

dynasties of Persia requires a citation to ensure that the information is reliable. More citations are necessary to provide more examples and supplemental points of view. In addition, while there are 2 external links listed, the page referencing the Persian Empire at Wikipedia Commons no longer exists.

Detail

There are several instances when examples could be clarified and expanded upon. The article states that Persia occupied "much of the ancient world," but fails to state exactly which regions made up the Persian Empire. It should be explained that the empire spanned from Egypt to the Indus River in the East. There is also no information regarding the empire's extensive tax system, which was a crucial aspect of the empire. The article also only lists Cyrus the Great as the ruler of the Persian Empire, but neglects to mention the leader who followed Cyrus, Darius. Additional details would help create a more rigorous article.

Summary

The page could use more details to provide a more informative article. With only one citation used, there is a chance that some parts of the article may not be reliable. The "external links" could be updated to allow people to search for additional resources. While the article does have an extensive list of the dynasties that made up the Persian Empire, more facts regarding the economy and government would make the page more useful for readers.