User:Jamodalamo/sandbox

Plot

A low level drug dealer named David Clark (Jason Sudeikis) is robbed by three thugs of not only his money, but his boss's money and stash. Wealthy drug lord Brad Gurdlinger (Ed Helms) finds out and coerces Clark into picking up a "smidge and a half" of marijuana from Mexico for which he'll be paid $100,000. Realizing that one man attempting to get through customs all by himself is too suspicious, he hires a stripper named Sarah "Rose" O'Reilly (Jennifer Aniston) and recruits a runaway teenage girl named Casey (Emma Roberts) and his virgin 18 year-old neighbor Kenny (Will Poulter) to portray a bogus family called the "Millers," so as to not arouse suspicion while crossing the border.

The Millers make the drive across the border in an enormous RV, so they will have a place to hide the drugs. The trip has no hitches on the way to Mexico and David picks up the marijuana using the name Pablo Chacon, the name Gurdlinger says the Mexicans know him by. There, the Millers see that it's not a small amount of drugs but two tons of marijuana. A woman gives the family a basket of fruit, which unknown to them, contains a stow away tarantula. The family leaves the compound and is immediately stopped by a local Mexican police officer (Luis Guzmán) who demands his bribe of "1000". Believing he wants $1000, David first offers the services of Rose to the police officer but he says he is more interested in men. David then presents Kenny and begins to tell him that he has to perform oral sex for the safety of the women (they wouldn't last two days in a Mexican prison). The police officer comes back over to the family and says he's either getting oral sex or his 1000 pesos, which David gladly pays when he finds out the currency (barely over 80 US dollars), and the family is again on their way back to the US.

Shortly after the Millers leaves the compound, the real Pablo Chacon (Tomer Sisley), a high-powered Mexican drug lord, returns with the American that was supposed to be smuggling the drugs across the border and finds that it has already been taken. He tells One Eye (Matthew Willig), the man in charge of stowing the drugs on the Miller's RV, to come with him to identify them.

At the border, the Millers have a brief meeting with another family called the Fitzgeralds consisting of Don (Nick Offerman), Edie (Kathryn Hahn), and Melissa (Molly C. Quinn) in an adjacent RV and when a block of marijuana falls from the sun visor in front of Rose, she wraps it in a blanket and they call it LeBron when noticed by Edie. The Millers then don Mexican sombreros to look like a family just coming back from a short trip across the border but are stopped when a drug sniffing dog barks at their RV. They are pulled to the side and told to declare what is in their RV before the police officer steps in to search the vehicle. At that moment, four illegals scramble out from under the RV and begin running and the officer takes off after them, yelling over his shoulder that the Millers can go.

David did not take into account the extra load of the marijuana on the RV and ends up breaking a radiator hose while going up a steep incline, and Rose and Casey, fed up with his stupidity, take off walking down the road. Shortly the, Fitzgeralds catch up to them and with the Millers' RV in tow, they begin looking for a garage. On the trip to the garage, David discovers Don Fitzgerald's badge and gun in the glove compartment and Don admits he is in the DEA. The Millers have an impromptu meeting, telling each other not to freak out and just act normal. When the RV stops, David freaks and thinks Don has figured out he's a drug dealer, but it's just they have stopped at a garage, which is closed until morning. They decide to leave the RV with a note about the problem, saying they will return the next day. Edie Fitzgerald keeps going on and on about the "baby" and wanting to hold it to the point that Rose tosses the blanket, with the pot inside, into the road, where it is run over by several trucks. Casey then makes up a story about how it was school extra credit to keep the "bag of herbs" as a real baby and they were forbidden to treat it like anything other than real. Realizing they have to spend the night with the Fitzgeralds, David and Rose decide to steal their keys and take their RV to the garage and use their radiator hose to replace their broken one. The Fitzgeralds end up being awake and Rose and David have to lie about why they're at their tent and Edie ends up telling Rose she's never been with a woman. She ends up touching Rose's breasts and Don is uncomfortably intimate with David's ear, but they leave before anything else can happen.

Meanwhile, Kenny and Melissa have a mutual attraction and are talking outside the Miller's RV while Casey watches Kenny blow his chance to kiss Melissa. When he comes in, Casey can see he's upset and asks him to talk about it. Kenny tells her he's not only a virgin, but he's never kissed a girl. Casey begins teaching Kenny how to kiss, as does Rose, when she and David get back to the RV. Melissa walks in on the two women kissing Kenny and freaks out and runs.

The next day, the Fitzgeralds take the Millers back to their RV and leave them there to pick it up. David walks into the office to see the mechanic tied up and gagged. Chacon places a gun to David's head upon arrival and walks him out to the garage where One Eye has the rest of the family. They immediately tell Chacon that they aren't a real family and they didn't know they were stealing from him. Chacon finds out Rose is a stripper and she tells him that she can show how valuable she can be. She does a striptease down to her underclothes and comes close to Chacon and turns on a blast steamer aimed at him. The Millers then run to the RV while David hits One Eye, but he sees that it had no effect. As One Eye is about to beat David, Kenny starts up the RV and accidentally backs into One Eye at a speed high enough to knock him out. As the family is leaving the garage in the RV with Kenny driving and David trying to take the wheel, they demolish Chacon's vehicle. With Kenny's erratic driving, he knocks the bowl of fruit off the counter and rolls the RV down a hill during which time the tarantula crawls up his leg and bites him.

They have to take Kenny to a hospital because he has a severe allergic reaction to the bite, but David is fighting them the whole way. He is finally able to get Gurdlinger on the phone who is surprised David is still alive. David renegotiates his fee to $500,000, but he must get the drugs to Gurdlinger that night. The return trip is delayed because the doctor (Scott Adsit) won't release Kenny. While waiting, David, Rose, and Casey visit a local carnival where Casey meets Scotty P (Mark L. Young), a local kiddie ride attendant. David and Rose are not impressed with the boy, but Casey leaves with him and David tells her when Kenny is ready, they are leaving with or without her. When Kenny is finally released, David races him to the RV in a wheelchair and tips him over in his hurry. This disgusts the girls and Casey walks off and refuses to leave with him. Rose and Kenny won't leave without Casey, so David leaves them all behind.

Casey meets up again with Scotty P, who attempts to take advantage of her, but Rose and Kenny show up and Rose punches Scotty in the nose. They believe David has left them, so they are surprised to find him at the carnival and when he gets on his knees to beg them to come with him, they agree to go. They run into Edie and Melissa Fitzgerald again and Melissa wants nothing to do with them and tells her mom what she saw. Trying to come clean with Melissa, Kenny blurts out they aren't really a family and that they are smuggling drugs. Edie sends Melissa off to find her father, but One Eye finds them first. He is about to shoot everyone when Don Fitzgerald comes out of the camper and attacks One Eye with his mug and is able to knock him out and bind him. Chacon then comes around the corner with Melissa in tow. He is about to kill them when fireworks go off. David hits Chacon and he drops his gun. Rose picks it up and accidentally shoots Chacon in the shoulder. He is recovering and about to attack David when Kenny finally has his chance to show he's a man and he punches Chacon enough to knock him out. Don arrests Chacon and One Eye and tells the Millers that he will arrest them too as soon as he's done hugging his family. The Millers take their cue and leave in their RV.

David delivers the drugs to Gurdlinger who tells him he's late and their deal is off. David realizes that he was never going to be paid in the first place. DEA agents then crash through the sky light and the doorways, arresting Gurdlinger and his henchman. Gurdlinger realizes that David has double-crossed him. The agent in charge is Don Fitzgerald, who tells David that he will have to be in the witness protection plan until Gurdlinger's trial. He then adds that anyone that was a witness to the crime will be in protection, and David smiles. The last scene is the members of the Millers in a beautiful home, with new neighbors and growing marijuana.